Home sweet home…

Some say that no matter how beautiful the place you want to visit is, the place you are currently in is, yet they do not beat the place you come from. God yeah… it’s true (well, I’m not trying to be Pangandaran-centric here, hahahahaha, just tell the truth). I don’t know how much beautiful my hometown is to others, but it is so mesmerizing to me. My mother, her food, my home, my beach (no ‘f course it is not private beach), and its white sand beach. Maybe those are the reasons why I am a bit certain I have the place that I can call home (despite all that proves conversely).

I often take my time to have a walk on white sand beach as I am home. The place is my muse. I will just sit on the beach, see the ocean, the sky, the horizon and hear the sound of the waves, then just lie down and think, all alone (the place is often peaceful and quiet) . I find it somehow relaxing, (it’s always being a heaven on earth haahahahaha) really… Everything can just suddenly cross my mind, I feel like I can figure anything out while being there. I guess the place knows the way how to comfort me.

However, my dear heaven on earth can turn to be as ugly as hell in some other time. It’s going to be very crowded, turn into a very dirty nasty place when the crowd comes to hit the ground. You see, they throw the rubbish away wherever they like, the crowd will leave it just messy. I hate it, but what can I do? One against hundreds??? Hell! I need backups here!!! I will just pick up the rubbish here and there and try to prevent myself from throwing away my own.
But easy, it just lasts at week end people, and at the meantime it’s our entire paradise baby…hehehehehe.

Well, people, please meet my beach…




Right over there beneath the trees at the shore, there I will just sit and lie down while sightseeing…
Ah…What a life for me…hehehehe…

Not a man of despair…

Well, in the previous posted writing I wrote how screwed I was, and that was that, I mean it’s true, that was what I felt. I sometimes feel like desperate, I mean God! I need to see just one hope; it’s only one (if two are too much), to ensure me to keep carrying on my life. But I couldn’t seem to see it clearly really… what I saw was my fear, doubt, desperation, brutally-erupted emotions. I mean I am doubt about what I do, what I am going to do with my life. My life was so obviously flat, I was so jaded, EMPTY, unfulfilled (exaggerating mode: ON) hahahaha.

Maybe I was just too much sentimental; maybe I was just making everything harder than what it really was. Yet you know how you feel yourself when you wake up in the morning with a feeling of, I don’t know, uncertainty, sadness or reluctance maybe. I mean it is just uncomfortable, something like heavy loads in your heart keeps following you, pressing you. You know you’ve got to fix this, you’ve got to do something, but you cannot find the way how. You don’t even know what’s wrong, but you are pretty sure that something’s wrong.

I’ve got to get up! I know that someday I somehow will pass this. I will find the answer for this. Maybe all I have to do is just being patient. People, I believe, ever felt this way in their long journey of life. Maybe this situation that make them (I) learn how to live life, and be, I don’t know, great person perhaps. Just wish me luck!

join selection

i haven't told you here that i have been joining a debating community in my campus. yeah debate...man
i like to get involved in this debate stuff though i suck at this, really...
that because of several things i guess, like
1 i seldom come to practice
2 i do not search and read a lot of matter (i prefer to read novels hahahaha)
3 because i do, i suck UGH...

but hey,,, last Saturday i joined its selection for ALSA UI debate competition, then what a surprise!!!!!!!!!! i won the selection. i'm coming to jakarta. my last competition was US Election themed debate competition in ITB (thought it was gonna be the last), it was last year in October, what a long time...i guess i even forget how to act like a kick my opponent's as* hahahahaha.

well, tik tok tik tok, tik tok, time goes by.. need to be prepared.....

A Lesson from Mrs. Elliot

“A class divided” was a video clip on PBS Frontline with the discrimination materials that was brought by Mrs. Jane Elliot. She was a teacher in the third grade in an elementary school in Iowa. She was concerned about racism and the affair that happened to Mr. Martin Luther King Jr. regarding the issue in USA. She thought that American could not just talk about racism. There was the need to take an action to tell how bad racism is and to stop it.

The thing that could be the lesson that Mrs. Elliot taught from the very first beginning was that treat others the way you wanted to be treated regardless what color of their skin is (and the color of their eyes is of course), and what race that they come from. However, the fact that most of American tended to treat African-American, Asian-American, Mexican-American differently in USA, including her the third grade students had the same thoughts.

The way Mrs. Elliot told her students about racism and about how it feels to be discriminated was to make them really experienced to be discriminated. She divided the third graders in her class into blue-eyed people and brown-eyed people. Blue-eyed people were more superior to the brow-eyed ones, they were better, they had the prerogatives, while brown-eyed did not, and they also were not allowed to play with blue-eyed in the play ground. The division was merely based on the color of their eyes.

Conflict of racism began to rise to climax when blue-eyed kids mocked at the brown-eyed, and then they had a fight. Brown-eyed kids felt like being discriminated, they were like living in the isolation, and felt like inferior to the blue-eyed just because of an unfair reason of judgment. They were also angry to be called brown-eyed. From what happened Mrs. Elliot learned that how so ingrained racism was amongst people, and how severe it was. And even the third graders could be so racist.

It occurs to me that the way Mrs. Elliot taught how ugly racism could be is one of the good ways in telling it. Experiencing how it feels to be treated as if in minority and inferior is a good way to make them realize how hurting could that be. She taught the lesson of discrimination in a real situation in which racism can possibly happen in that way. However, in my opinion the act of racism does not always come from the majority, it can come also from the minority site that they make their own prejudice to other people that they think might discriminate them. Thus, in my opinion racism can come from both sites; majority and minority, unreasonably superior and inferior. And all we have to do to vanish it is erasing all the unreasonable prejudice to other people that somehow lays in our mind in order to erase racism in the world. And through the video we can learn how to do that.
Screw differences …
Screw bad prejudice…
Screw racism...
live peacefully PEOPLE!!!

Emotions, feelings or whatever it is…

We, humans have something that distinct us from other God’s creatures, that is emotions, feelings. We might feel something (perhaps something that is beyond our control), moving up and down inside our chest, anything that can be started with the things that can be described in an effortless way, accompanied by tears, or we might find it hard to express. Happiness, sadness, fear, joy, affection, yearning, anger, loneliness, upset, being crazy over something, feeling touched in the heart or anything that might somehow overwhelm us, occupy us, take over our other gift from God; the ability of thinking using our brain.

It’s supposed to be our gift to have emotions and feeling that make us human and enable us to taste what is called love, anger, happiness, and all its friends and enjoy them. However, sometimes we might feel it’s too much; we are being turned upside down. We might feel tired of having emotions, well, let me clarify, it’s actually me who is tired of being occupied by all the emotions I have had. I feel like it would be better if I don’t have any of them. Imagining how it feels to have anger, I will feel something boiling my heart, something huge is like stuck right there in the chest of mine, it’s really uncomfortable, something that makes a load right on the chest. And it equals to any other feelings like yearning, affection to anybody that actually cannot be hold forever.

Call me desperate then it might be true. Call me sentimental then you are safe. In the age of mine I am feeling so over this feeling; feeling yearning to the thing or someone that may not come and that you can’t hold them forever, angry to the thing that on that I actually can’t take control, feeling alone while surrounded by crowd, feeling unfulfilled but you don’t really know what is missing. I can easily get taken over by what I have in my chest rather than in my head, I guess that is why I have this notion; about having no emotions. Maybe someday I will take back the notion, I will probably desperately want to have those back, but now it is just too much exhausting for me and even getting close to something like hurting.

Perhaps you have ever had this in your life, and the worse is you ending up alone. I cannot really give the thing that can make you better in your heart for this, but I just can say that you are not alone in this. I guess there is nothing more relieving than having somebody to know how you feel and share it with them.

Aphasia Makes You Lost in the Middle of nowhere (literally and not literally) …

Does it ever occur to you that we might lose our language? I mean your ability to understand people’s language and ability to make yours to be understood. It just lost, you suddenly do not understand what others tell you neither your speech to others? Surely that would be the most terrifying thing I ever imagine. You are like living in isolation, you desperately want to get involved in one talk, and you want everybody, anybody to understand what you say. However you cannot do that, your brain is like blocking you from doing that and you realize that. You desperately want to understand and to be understood, but you cannot do anything. Gosh! It is pretty scary and extremely frustrating.

I have no idea what it feels like without language. I mean, c’mon people! How do you let a book keeper take your favorite book you want to buy? How do you enjoy reading your favorite book? How do you let your mom know you need money? How do you let your girl and boy friend know you love them so much? How do you let anybody know that you like or mad at them? Everything expressed through language people! Language! And now suddenly it is taken. You will just feel lost and all alone.

Well, I am not just daydreaming. There is a disease that might give you a deficiency of your language ability (perhaps many of you have known this one, but let me share what I think of that). The disease called aphasia. It is the result of certain damages in the part of your brain that have responsibility to control language. Those damages can be caused by stroke, head damage, brain infection, tumor, and all the troubles that may block your blood from flowing to your brain. It was mid-age people who often suffer from the disease, but children are also reported to have the disease. And it is because of the problem of the language acquisition development in their early age. The disease can come in a sudden, and go suddenly as well when your blood has its way back to flow to your brain.

Pretty scary huh?! Well, I just want to let you know that the language we have is worth gratitude, really…