Let’s say that the beginning of this year was a way far from what I imagined. I definitely had plan, good plans. Resolution, as what is commonly known. But how can I say, you definitely can’t predict what tomorrow will bring to you. At exactly the beginning of those days after I had my shitty holiday, New Year holiday, I learned that I just lost my job over some stupid new regulation my office issued (let’s just drop it, too crappy). It’s out of the blue. We just never saw it coming. Slap! On your miserable face, man! I did take it quite hard, because clearly it got me back to the old days where I need to ask for my regular allowances from the old folk. Well, anyway since I grew up in the culture where it doesn’t matter how much you hurt you just happen to be grateful that nothing else hurt you even worse, I just need to look at the bright side. That it’s the time for me to get back to my research paper. Unbelievable!
I meant, that’s it, I needed to get away from all of this, right fucking now. I was not a spontaneous person before. Not a chance in hell. I needed plans, assurance. I needed to calculate everything. But this was just too overwhelming and I was sure as hell allowed to take a leave. So I decided (spontaneously) to go here;
I need a place where screams do not cause a commotion and are not interpreted as a warning of danger, or a sign of troubles. There I got it, trying all those games that got me scream till my throat sore and shook my tummy up till I wanted to throw up. You saw the world turned upside down (literally), yet you got through it and you got through it all just fine. All you have to do is let it out, that made me a little bit better. Same thing works for the (temporary) real screwed-up state of mind. You don’t need to pay someone with Freudian bullshit, patronizing, sitting and talking to you in a room on a floppy couch, telling that you have to simply work on your anger management or mild depression, which in fact you just need to loosen up a little bit, to have fun to recover. Scream helps!
I spent two days in Jakarta, long enough to make me fall in love with the city. Pretty lame, huh?! When everyone begins to hate the mess, I just begin to know it and even love it. Here is the thing, I mean, almost every big city in this world is a two-faced bitch. In one hand, she shows the beautiful alluring face where you can see future, hope and, wealth she might offer. On the other, she shows the ugly one where you can’t see anything but the fucked-ups! Living there can be a proof if you’re strong enough to work your ass up there. This was like a booster for me, a reminder that I have purpose, I still have dreams, and I still have a lot of options and I’m young and free.
By that I get to realize, firstly, I need to finish my research paper to get my butt out of the university. And it tells me that bitching on it won’t help me get any of that at all. It won’t finish itself. Then I started to write again. I guess what they say is true after all, that you’ve got to look at the bright side. Thinking, well, at least my other hand didn’t get cut, (trying to be metaphorical).
Posts
