Home sweet home…

Some say that no matter how beautiful the place you want to visit is, the place you are currently in is, yet they do not beat the place you come from. God yeah… it’s true (well, I’m not trying to be Pangandaran-centric here, hahahahaha, just tell the truth). I don’t know how much beautiful my hometown is to others, but it is so mesmerizing to me. My mother, her food, my home, my beach (no ‘f course it is not private beach), and its white sand beach. Maybe those are the reasons why I am a bit certain I have the place that I can call home (despite all that proves conversely).

I often take my time to have a walk on white sand beach as I am home. The place is my muse. I will just sit on the beach, see the ocean, the sky, the horizon and hear the sound of the waves, then just lie down and think, all alone (the place is often peaceful and quiet) . I find it somehow relaxing, (it’s always being a heaven on earth haahahahaha) really… Everything can just suddenly cross my mind, I feel like I can figure anything out while being there. I guess the place knows the way how to comfort me.

However, my dear heaven on earth can turn to be as ugly as hell in some other time. It’s going to be very crowded, turn into a very dirty nasty place when the crowd comes to hit the ground. You see, they throw the rubbish away wherever they like, the crowd will leave it just messy. I hate it, but what can I do? One against hundreds??? Hell! I need backups here!!! I will just pick up the rubbish here and there and try to prevent myself from throwing away my own.
But easy, it just lasts at week end people, and at the meantime it’s our entire paradise baby…hehehehehe.

Well, people, please meet my beach…




Right over there beneath the trees at the shore, there I will just sit and lie down while sightseeing…
Ah…What a life for me…hehehehe…

Not a man of despair…

Well, in the previous posted writing I wrote how screwed I was, and that was that, I mean it’s true, that was what I felt. I sometimes feel like desperate, I mean God! I need to see just one hope; it’s only one (if two are too much), to ensure me to keep carrying on my life. But I couldn’t seem to see it clearly really… what I saw was my fear, doubt, desperation, brutally-erupted emotions. I mean I am doubt about what I do, what I am going to do with my life. My life was so obviously flat, I was so jaded, EMPTY, unfulfilled (exaggerating mode: ON) hahahaha.

Maybe I was just too much sentimental; maybe I was just making everything harder than what it really was. Yet you know how you feel yourself when you wake up in the morning with a feeling of, I don’t know, uncertainty, sadness or reluctance maybe. I mean it is just uncomfortable, something like heavy loads in your heart keeps following you, pressing you. You know you’ve got to fix this, you’ve got to do something, but you cannot find the way how. You don’t even know what’s wrong, but you are pretty sure that something’s wrong.

I’ve got to get up! I know that someday I somehow will pass this. I will find the answer for this. Maybe all I have to do is just being patient. People, I believe, ever felt this way in their long journey of life. Maybe this situation that make them (I) learn how to live life, and be, I don’t know, great person perhaps. Just wish me luck!